I’ve always had a strained relationship with beards, and facial hair in general. I don’t grow much facial hair, barely being able to muster a mustache, but with no hope of growing a beard beyond a pathetic goatee. I can’t even grow sideburns of any substance. Sometimes this makes me sad, even to the point of being a little insecure about my machismo. I endeavored to grow a mustache during Movember, but the resulting stache was rather weak.