There are a lot of cultural differences here in the rainy northwest that I had to get used to after I fled the sunshine state. The hardest for me to swallow has been the ironic fashion. The hip cats here seem to revel in wearing ugly clothes that are neither flattering nor fashionable.

Today, I sidled up to a coworker at the urinals in the bathroom at work. He his outfit looked like a extra from some seventies movie. The real icing was the bright yellow beanie with the multi-colored pom on top. Really? This man is my age, nearing forty, and I’ve known him for years. I know that he bought that hat just because it was cheesy and clashing.

Now, I can understand owning some kitschy clothes. I’ve owned some funky clothes and worn some outfits that seemed inadvisable. But the kids here take it to a whole new level. I see pretty girls all the time whose whole fashion seems to be wearing ill-fitting and unflattering clothes. I just don’t get it.

This town is lousy with scrawny little vegans riding fixies, wearing skinny jeans, lumberjack flannels and the matching beards. Is the faker-jack look just something that comes naturally to people raised in the pacific northwest? Apparently, there are social scenes here where looking like a metro-sexual Brawny spokesman is hot.

Mrs. Portmandia gets her hair cut at a little joint here in our bourgeois neighborhood. I’ve gone with her a time or two. The strange thing is that every girl that works there has hideous fashion and hair. It must be a rule that they have choppy haircuts and clashing multi-colored dye-jobs. You’d think that hairdressers would want to inspire confidence in their ability to make their clients look good. Instead, they usually look like color-blind rejects from a new wave time warp. Another thing I do not get.

I’m really not sure that I understand this anti-fashion. That isn’t even the appropriate term as it is more like mal-fashion, as these are really just movements of bad fashion. These are just things that I don’t understand. I’m just old and unhip, but somehow I do not think that irony is a good basis for fashion choices.